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THE MENS ROOM RULES
#1 Never mess with Ben "The Psycho Muppet"
#2. Public Restroom/Locker room Etiquette
- a. No excessive or undue conversation in the restroom.
- b .Keep eyes forward whenever possible (John in the NAVY)
- c. Always close the stall door, even when going #1 (Charles in Lacey)
- d. If you have an option, never use the urinal / Stall right next to a man who is already underway. (Justin in Puyallup)
- e. No phone conversations in a public restroom. (Greg in Marysville)
- f. Never talk to another man while your junk is hanging out. (Greg in Marysville)
- g. No man should ever take longer then 10 seconds looking in the mirror in a public bathroom. (Brandon in Fresno)
- h. If you need to change in a public bathroom use the stall, and close the door. (El Higgones in Marysville)
- i. Never call another man while you are taking a dump. A picture message with your cell phone however acceptable. (Sean and Kelsey)
- j. At no point should a man be laying around naked when there are only other men in the area, like in the locker room or sauna. (Ryno)
- k. Don't touch a man while he is already "Underway" (Thee Ted Smith)
- L. No man shall drop his pants and underwear to the ground while taking a leak. (Dan and Ryno in Marysville)
- m. If you must destroy a Mens Room, keep the fan on when you leave. (Rob in Pacific)
- n. If you leave behind your DNA, YOU clean it up. (Dave in Everett)
- o. Never shave naked in a gym bathroom. (Vicente)
#3 Beer Etiquette
- a. If you bring beer to a party, you must drink your beer first before drinking anyone else's....unless otherwise permitted by the host.
- b. If you bring beer to a party and need to leave, the beer stays there.
- c. If you open a beer you must finish it, never leave a "Wounded soldier" (Paul in Mt Lake Terrace)
- d. if you are at somebodies house you must ask for a beer, you can never just take one.
- e. The last beer will always be reserved to the man who originally purchased said alcohol. If someone consumes the last beer and is not the original purchaser, that person becomes solely responsible to replenish the reserves. (Rodney in Spanaway)
- f. If an man gets up to grab a beer, he is obliged to get one for any friends who are in need. (J.D)
#4 No man shall give himself a nickname.
#5 This is an ongoing list of words/terms no man should use, ever.
- Garment
- Periwinkle
- Magical
- Supple
- Duvet (Sugusted by James in Renton)
- Precious
- Fabulous (Under Review, comic value)
- Adore
- Lavender (Scott)
- Mommy or Daddy (Whopper)
- The Term BFF (Best Friends Forever)
- To Die for (Anthony)
- Bye Bye (Stoney)
- Delish, as a subsitute for delicious (Ed)
- Decor (Brad in Bellingham)
- Caio (Sounds like "CHOW") The term "chow" is fine when talking about food, "Caio" should never be used to end a conversation. (Ken in Spanaway)
- XOXOXOXO (Aaron)
#6 Never watch the movie "The Notebook" (Bradley)
#7 Never dress to match your girlfriend or wife. (Jim C)
#8 Two men should never walk down the street under the same umbrella. (Modified form every list of rules that "guys should follow" circulating on the web right now)
#9 Never drop a #2 in a club except in an emergency. (Charles in Lacey)
#10. Never let a woman order for you in a restaurant. (Kyle in Seattle)
#11. Never drive drunk or let a friend drive drunk. (Kyle in Seattle)
#12. No man should ever ride bitch on an other man's motorcycle. (Tom "The Cable Guy" in Graham)
#13. Under no circumstances is any man allowed to send an emoticon ;-) =) :-p etc. to another man. (Mad Hooper)
#14. A man should never ask for details from another man regarding personal matters like divorce. If he wants you to know he will tell you. (Eric in Maple Valley)
#15. You can't narc out a buddy for showing up to work hungover. You can however harass him as much as possible. (Felix in Seattle)
#16. A man must never wear a Speedo in public. The exceptions are water polo players, secret agents, and dudes who are tough enough to kick everyone's ass. (Felix in Seattle)
#16. No man shall ever feed or be fed by another man, unless the recipient of said feeding is physically or mentally handicapped, or otherwise restricted in any way that prevents feeding oneself. (Brad in Olympia)
#17. There is no reason for a man to watch men's figure skating or men's gymnastics. EVER. (Steve)
#18. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked
#19. No man should ever speak badly about bacon or sex. (Eric)
#20. No man shall ever work another man's BBQ unless specifically asked to. (Alex in Redmond)
#21. No man shall have any kind of fuzzy decoration on, or in, his car. (Alex in Redmond)
#22. Guidelines for the Man hug
- a. No back rubbing.
- b. No resting of the chin on his shoulder.
- c. No sighing, crying, closing of the eyes, or speaking.
- d. Shall not last longer then 2 seconds. (Alex in Redmond)
#23. "If" your girlfriend or wife finds your porn, cop to it. In fact be proud. Real men are not ashamed of watching porn. If your mom finds it, blame someone else. (Jessica)
#24. No man shall ever be required to buy another man a birthday gift. In fact, even remembering you're buddies birthday is strictly optional. (Morgan)
#25. No man shall complement another mans entire wordrobe, only on individule items of clothing. (Kevin from Everett)
#26. (Still up for debate, send us an email with what you think) No woman shall be able to submit a Mens Room rule.
#27. Unless in the entertainment industry, no man shall wear makeup
#28. No man shall ever use another mans chap stick
#29. No man shall ever sit on another mans lap. (Jay in Edmonds)
#30. No two men in a hot tub should sit next to one another unless all four sides are already taken. (Nick in Godknowswhere)
#31. No man should take longer to get ready then his wife/girlfriend. (Aaron in Lacey)
#32. Never be a part of a candle party. (Robert somewhere)
#33. No man shall ever use a hairdryer (Brad in Olympia)
#34. Men should never wear Crocs under any circumstances. (David from Mill Creek)
#35. When at someone elses house, and needing to drop a duce, please use the furthest bathroom from the general population. (Steve "The Thrill" Hill)
#36. No man should ever tickle another man (Dan)
#37. Under no circumstances should a man wear another mans boxers and or underwear, ever. (Mr Joshington)
#38. No man should carry a blanket to a football or baseball game unless it is for the woman or child he is with. (Chewey)
#39. No man should touch the small of another mans back! Especially to get by in a crowded bar. (Chris In Milton)
#40. Never share a desert with another man (Tony V)
#41. The Man who owns the house, owns the remote controls to the various electronic components, and can only operate another mans remotes if asked to do so. (Tony V)
#42. The Car:
- No car art (Miles Montgomery)
- When sitting shotgun never touch the stereo without permission.
- No vomit in the vehicle.
- Never take your shoes off in another mans car without permission.
- When driving, if another driver does you a favor or courtesy, the hand wave is a must. (Garrett)
#43. No man shall ever sit in the seat directly next to another man at a movie theatre, unless there are no other seats available, or he is in a mixed sex party (James In Olympia)
#44. If a man borrows another mans tools, he must return them in the same shape that he received them. If the tool is damaged, the borrower is responsible for replacing said tool. (The Norwegian)
#45. No man shall have a decorative / fuzzy toilet seat (Cleveland)
#46. Never touch another mans hair and comment on it...its creepy. (Paul from Fedtown)
#47. No man shall point out another mans fly is down unless it will embarrass him. (Scott in Federal Way)
#48. Things no man should have
- Decorative soap.
- Decorative toilet seat
- Anything Cher, Barbra Streisand, or Celine Dion.
- A diary.
- A collection of chick flicks.
- Body waxing supplies.
- A collection past girlfriends panties.
#49. Things all men Should have
- Your favorite pizza joint on speed dial.
- A lighter
- Porn
- A belt
- Some tools. At least a flat head and Philips head screw drivers, and a crescent wrench.
#50. Never grab something out of another mans pocket (Bennett from Renton)
#51. Don't skip, ever. (Derek in Sumner)
#52. Never write in pink. (Jeff)
#53. No group of men shall ever watch porn in silence....there must always be some sort of commotion or cheering going on. (Drew in Bremerton)
#54. Belts come in two colors, brown and black. (Brennan in Everett)
#55. Hand Shake etiquette:
a. Grip must be firm but not overpowering, using the entire RIGHT hand. No finger gripping.
b. Look the man square in the eye.
c. Not to last longer then 3 seconds.
d. Do not place left hand on top of the handshake, unless making a pact with three (3) or more people. (Shaun)
#56. No man shall ever wear Capri's or clam diggers. (Scott)
#57. No man shall ever use another mans toothbrush. (F'n Stephen)
#58. Don't leave unnecessary voice mails while sober. (The Mens Room)
Send us any ideas you have for new Mens Room Rules, seriously, now. themensroom@kisw.com
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